The One Where I Admit To Self-Doubt And Uncertainty

Self-doubt and uncertainty - the olamobisi

It’s the 9th day of the new year, and phew. 😮‍💨 I’ve had my first bout of self-doubt, questioned my existence, and contemplated running away.

It probably won’t make sense to anyone reading this since I wrote a few days ago that I wouldn’t allow any form of self-doubt or negativity this year. But I’m human, and that means I’m going to fall. I’ll fall off the wagon, and then I’ll get back up and jump on again. So yeah, there was some doubt today about what this year would bring. I stood in front of my mirror and stared at my body for a few minutes. Normally I’d concentrate on the things I love, but for some reason, I kept analysing all the flaws, all the ways I don’t seem right.

And now I sound very vain…

Don’t get me wrong; I don’t hate my body. In Meghan Trainor’s voice, “I’ve got curves in all the right places.” I just want to feel the energy I used to have and the excitement of feeling active and alive. So after a lot of analysing and self-criticising, I finally snapped out of my pity party. This year is supposed to be the year I started living, and that’s what I’m going to do.

If I feel tired in my own body, then I will start exercising as I planned. If I’m worried about my look, I should actively take care of my body. If I want to change the way I feel about anything, I have to do something about it.

I don’t know about you, but I am sick and tired of sitting on my ass doing nothing while I whine about my life and what’s not going right. Call it a resolution, and maybe it won’t last, but I’m going to make damn sure I try.

Children have a lesson adults should learn, to not be ashamed of failing, but to get up and try again. Most of us adults are so afraid, so cautious, so ‘safe,’ and therefore so shrinking and rigid and afraid that it is why so many humans fail. Most middle-aged adults have resigned themselves to failure.

Malcolm X

I know what the world looks like right now. There’s inflation, recession, a lot of questionable ideologies and beliefs, and if you’re Nigerian, the uncertainty of what the next four years will be if we vote wrong (Bla la blu). But I refuse to dwell on all the downsides to life and worry about what the future holds. I’m going to focus on what I can control. Getting fit, looking amazing, healthy eating, positive vibes, positive vibes.


self-doubt and uncertainty
In the spirit of living…

The point of my initial rambling is this. I want to do things differently this year. Which means actively taking part in my own life and being conscious of every decision I make. Yes, there will be doubts. I will get up some days and want to crawl back into bed and shut the world out. On other days I might find it difficult even to wake up.

But every day, no matter how I feel or what’s going on in the world. I will get up, get out of bed, and show up for myself. I will do the work even when I don’t feel like it. I will reach for vegetables a lot more than I order a pizza. I will pick a fruit instead of grabbing a soda. I will twist and bend and contort my body in different yoga poses even when I just want to flop down on my sofa and do nothing. 

I hope someone else will decide to do this with me because I know I’m not the only one who desperately wants to live this year. So let me know in the comments what you think and what part of your life you’ll actively love to change.

PS: Please, Get Your PVC!!!

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